Two months ago...one month ago...I was suffering. It felt as if the pain would swallow me whole and I would live in its belly forever. But no matter how it felt, I reminded myself (on most days) that feelings do not depict reality and things are never as they seem. I reminded myself that God's plan is not mine and that even though I didn't and still don't understand that plan, it's all for my good. I went through the pain head-on, since I've never been afraid of hurting. It is where the art is born. I found ways to cope and didn't rush the process. I'm still not rushing it. But, I'm feeling so much better! Through the process, however, I've noticed more men trying to pull me into their lives and slither into mine--men who know I've been injured, and it has made it more obvious to me what sharks people can be when there's blood in the water. Certain types of men would love to have a bird with broken wings in their grasp, versus waiting until she is fully healed. I see them trying to pull me in different directions and away from myself, upset when they can't get what they want, upset they can't have my new number or when I refuse to take a trip, return a DM, or when I refuse to care about their lives and careers. They tell me I'm "unfair" or "selfish." Well, my loves, there is nothing unfair about being selfish. When you are weak, take a knee and beware of circling sharks. Some people know they could never be around you at your strongest, so they will try to infiltrate when you are wounded. Take the time to be selfish. You deserve it and don't let anyone try to make you feel you don't. No one has the right to be in your life. If you've been hurt, focus on self-care and side-eye anyone who is trying to pull you, anyone clamoring for your attention. This time is YOURS. Now is the time to make yourself happy, to heal, to begin to understand. There will always be pain but if you handle it right, more than pain, there will always be you. Be well. 💋
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